The Dangers of Cats and Plastics and the Time my Kitty Buddy Almost Got a Suppository

Ciao, Cisco the Harwich Spirits Shoppe cat here…

What follows is a cautionary note for all you pet owners – plastics and animals do not mix any more than antifreeze and pets (or people) mix. The ingestion of said materials can cause extraordinarily bad mojo including death which is bad indeed… I’m relaying this from an almost-reputable human source as my feline friend who suffered the agony of eating plastic is now mute… (You’ll see why in a moment.) Here is the tale from one of the two humans who tried the “procedure” of giving a cat a suppository…

OK… First of all, I’m not a perv or a sadist or anything of the sort. Secondly, I was only doing what a veterinarian told me to do. Any time an animal (or person for that matter) is sick, get the patient to a doctor and let the pros take over. That being said, here’s the story of the cat and the suppository… Many years ago we lived with Daedalus, a cat that developed a problem using the cat box for the “heavy stuff.” When we took the creature to the vet, we were told that he was constipated and needed just the tip of a baby’s suppository strategically placed where the sun don’t shine. (Now let me stop the story right here and offer my hard-learned and bloodied advice – when a vet tells you to take a big male cat home and stuff something (no matter how small) up his butt… Give the cat to the vet and have her do it!) Onward… So we took Daedalus home, picked up the baby suppositories and gloves, and started the procedure. My best friend Richard and I along with the cat sequestered ourselves behind the closed door of a small bathroom. And while the situation was profoundly funny in an absurd sort of way, the little fellow was suffering and it was our job to “loosen things up” if you know what I mean.  Obviously, since it was my cat, I got the honors… Richard would just “hold” the cat. After an attempt or two, I too joined in on the process of just “holding” the thing. And it was right about then that something amazing happened. For all the effort Richard and I were using to try to restrain Daedalus, he managed to look over his left shoulder and stare into my eyes. And for just one second we had a meeting of the minds, a Vulcan mind meld, a trans-species stream of consciousness. In that scant moment two messages emerged from the beast… The first was, “What the Hell do you think you’re doing?” and the second was, “I’m going to shred you, your clothes, your shadows and your souls…” Boom! That was it. Imagine a small, four-armed demon possessed with the spirit of Charlie Manson on a bad acid trip armed with quad chain saws. We never stood a chance… The cat wasn’t just meowing or hissing, it was actually barking like something from the river Styx. We let the cat out of the bathroom an in general there was a great blood letting between Richard and I.

Long story short? It turns out that Daedalus had eaten plastic and needed surgery. Ultimately, he survived to a ripe old age as have our scars. And that’s the danger of pets and plastic and suppositories…

Say no more…

See you by the Betadine and the wine racks,


Wine Glossaries

* Nat Decants: A thorough glossary from Natalie MacLean, noted wine writer, speaker, and judge.
* eRobertParker.com: “The Independent Consumer’s Guide to Fine Wines”
* GLOSSARY of Wine-Tasting Terminology (Version 1.4 – Jan. 1995): A thorough collection of definitions from Anthony Hawkins.

Beer Glossaries

* ratebeer: Now that’s a straightforward name!
* beer-pages: Roger Protz and Tom Cannavan say that “it’s all about beer”.
* alphaDictionary.com: A fine collection of Beer dictionaries.

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