Cisco (frustrated and incredulous): Oh Gawd! There he goes! Da Gizz is gone… He’s on another prize-recruiting bender for the Valentine’s Day Cork-Counting Contest…
Ponchita (sobbing): I know, I know, I know…
Cisco: How could you do this?!? First you let him out of the cellar, and then you couldn’t even hold him down while I bolted the front door!
Ponchita (snapping back): Well what did you want me to do?!? I’m a 5 pound cat and he’s a 220 pound human. Besides, he was crawling like that killer robot at the end of the “Terminator” movie. Geez, his eyes were all red and everything…
Cisco (anger rising): You don’t seem to get it do you?!? Take a good look at that picture of Bruce… It’s right over there on the wall… Look at it!
Ponchita (pleading): What is his problem?
Cisco: His “problem” is this … Da Gizz is possessed… He is determined to pile on the prizes for this contest… Rumor has it that the $1,000 pot isn’t good enough. Rumor has it that he’s adding another $500 worth of booty. That’s his problem!
Ponchita: And that’s not to mention the block party he’s trying to whip up.
Cisco (gathering himself): OK… Take a deep breath… What have we got?
Ponchita: Let’s see, we have an escaped lunatic dressed in a Hawaiian shirt, pajama bottoms, insulated booties (no socks), and wearing a wine-cork and lobsta-claw cap driving around Cape Cod in a green pickup with a white star on the door trying to drum up yet more prizes for a blog contest in January during tough economic times… … Ummm… Maybe we should call the police?
Cisco (staring at Ponchita as if she’s lost her mind): The cops? The cops?!? First of all, they wouldn’t believe that two cats could call them, let alone document this insanity in a blog. Secondly, would YOU believe that Da Gizz is out roaming the streets of Cape Cod in his PJs wearing a wine-cork and lobsta-claw cap trying to garner more goodies. And to top it off, we don’t have to call the cops… Oh, we’ll being seeing them when this craziness comes to a boil.
Ponchita (deep sigh): Well, I guess it couldn’t get any worse…
Cisco (exploding in fury): What do you mean it couldn’t get any worse?!? That madman is starting to create on-line wine tutorials… He’s going to be holding those classes from the top of Scargo Tower to the depths of someone’s basement – airplanes and submarines are not off limits to Da Gizz… Hades, he’s even talking about a newsletter and blog auctioning!
Ponchita (genuinely scared): So what do we do?
Cisco (despondent): I don’t know… Prep emergency supplies? Get lawyers, guns, and money? Who knows… Extra cat litter? Hey! Maybe we’ll get lucky and the seagulls will see his hat and take him out for us… I just don’t know…
Two very frightened cats blogging by the wine racks…
* Nat Decants: A thorough glossary from Natalie MacLean, noted wine writer, speaker, and judge.
* eRobertParker.com: “The Independent Consumer’s Guide to Fine Wines”
* GLOSSARY of Wine-Tasting Terminology (Version 1.4 – Jan. 1995): A thorough collection of definitions from Anthony Hawkins.